When Grandmothers Whisper - Chains Break

Today I share a deeply personal journey — one I feel is meant to be shared with other women. I am allowing myself to be fully real and vulnerable because I hope that through my healing and lessons, other women will be inspired to see who they truly are and remember that their soul is divine. No man’s control, no religion, and no generational burden is yours to carry. You are unique. You are beautiful. You are independent. You are empowered. You are Woman.

My Spinal Energetics session today was unlike any I had experienced before. I know I am continuing to heal myself by healing my lineage and breaking generational patterns, yet I also understand that some patterns still live within me unconsciously. What we see externally is not always what exists in someone’s heart behind closed doors.

I entered the session wanting answers about why my body feels weakened and where it stems from. I am a puzzle solver by nature. As a nurse, I want origins, causes, explanations. My energy healer gently told me that sometimes we must release the need to pinpoint the physical source and instead focus on healing itself, because needing to know where something began can become a distraction. I reluctantly agreed. I can be stubborn, and I often feel compelled to trace everything back to its root.

As the session began, I was taken somewhere completely unexpected — to my step-grandmother, Bluebell. She is not connected to me by blood and had never felt like a lineage I needed to explore, yet the ancestors and the universe clearly had other plans.

Bluebell was a stoic woman from London, England. She was born in 1925 and attended school with Queen Elizabeth II. I heard very few stories about her childhood because she rarely opened up. She was mysterious, and truthfully, she frightened me a little when my family visited her during my childhood. She had a strong British accent, served in WWII on an ambulance, and later became one of the first women Radiology Technicians. She was intelligent, disciplined, and strict. She taught me to eat everything on my plate, never sass my elders, and to be seen, not heard.

My grandfather passed before she did, and when he left this earth, she changed. She no longer seemed to know how to live without him. We believed it was because of their love and that her heart had broken. She passed a couple of years after he did. I attended her funeral with my first husband, and something about it never sat right with me. Today, I finally understood why.

During the session, while I was in what I call the in-between or the 5D, I was brought directly to Bluebell — to her home in Vernal, Utah, where I last saw her in life. She looked at me with love and told me she needed me more than I realized. She said she didn’t know how to break free from the patterns she was still trapped in, which was why she had not yet become one of my healed ancestors.

At first I sensed her resistance, her old stoic nature holding tight. I felt dense, stuck energy around her. Yet somehow our minds and souls connected. I told her she didn’t have to hold it all anymore — that I had her and would help her. I didn’t yet understand that helping her would also help me.

I was then shown her childhood. I could feel her unhappiness, though I don’t yet fully know why. What I did understand was that she felt she could never truly be herself. Her father, Arthur, had moved from Australia to London. He was an athlete who competed in the 1908 Summer Olympics in field hockey for Great Britain and later became an England selector, choosing players to represent the country. I know little about her mother, except that Bluebell resented her for naming her Bluebell and rarely spoke of her.

As the session continued, I saw images of Bluebell with horses and training dogs. Suddenly the music playing shifted, and French voices filled the space. I felt a jolt of stuck energy, almost like a seizure of emotion. It was as if my healer sensed it, because the music changed again. Later, when I returned home, I researched her lineage and discovered that her grandmother had been born in Paris, France.

More was revealed. I learned that Bluebell had married my grandfather for safety — to escape something she had been living through and to find refuge. I don’t know the full story, but in that 5D state I was shown that she joined the Mormon church because my grandfather wanted her to. She wanted peace. She wanted acceptance. She wanted to be seen and not heard. So she joined. Later, they even tried to send Mormon missionaries to my parents’ home to convert them when they were newly married.

I began to feel that my own mother may have married my father for safety as well. I don’t yet fully understand this, but I know they married very quickly once my father was legally old enough to do so without his parents’ permission.

On the surface, Bluebell and my grandfather appeared deeply in love and happy. But beneath that surface, she was not. She depended on him completely. I see echoes of that same pattern in my mother’s relationship with my father — threatening to leave, speaking harshly about him, yet never actually leaving.

Bluebell never spoke up about not wanting to join the Mormon church. She wanted harmony more than authenticity. She never wanted to be buried in Mormon ceremonial temple clothing, yet she was. She raised her daughter and stepdaughter — my mother — the way she herself had been raised: marry for safety, fear men, obey men. Dress modestly so you are not seen as promiscuous. Believe that sex exists for men, and that as a wife it is your duty.

In our family it was even joked that the Schirner men had high sex drives and the women simply went along with it because that was their role. These beliefs were reinforced by church teachings: cover your body so men are not tempted, accept responsibility for men’s desires, view sex primarily as procreation, and understand yourself as a servant of God and man.

My step-grandmother was taught this. My mother was taught this. I was taught this. Many women who entered that church through her influence were taught the same. It became a generational pattern — one that denied women the right to embrace their bodies or recognize sexuality as something sacred, healing, and powerful for themselves as well. Yet sexuality is natural, healing, and deeply connected to the feminine divine.

There is also my maternal grandmother, whom my grandfather divorced. I had always heard stories about her having many suitors and marrying for safety while pregnant with another man’s child. My mother judged her harshly and grew to resent sexuality itself, which only deepened the rejection of the feminine body as a sacred vessel for the soul. I had already felt healing occur between my grandmother and my mother spiritually, yet I was shown that she too had married for safety. As did my sister — though I was warned not go down that path of my sister.

Every woman in my maternal line that I was shown had compromised her divine feminine power for the security of a man and, often, for a controlling religious structure that dictated behavior and stripped individuality. Women were taught they needed a man in order to be someone, especially within the Mormon church, where unmarried or divorced women were often looked down upon.

I still carry anger toward the church and toward the men who made me feel that I existed to serve them — men who required me to describe past sexual acts, even assaults, in detail so they could judge me. When I spoke up, I was labeled disruptive and was kept at a distance. I also still hold anger toward my mother for raising me within patterns of judgment, control, and manipulation.

Yet in the 5D I was shown that my mother herself holds great power. She simply has not yet learned how to access it. She lost herself within the structures she followed, handing her divine power over to men. I was shown that my gifts come through her lineage and through her mother’s line — a line reaching back to Celtic shamans and witches. She tried to break cycles in the only way she knew how, through control rather than love and openness. For that, I have struggled with resentment toward her earthly self, even as I try to see beyond this life and recognize her soul for who it truly is.

During this session I was told that I am the one meant to break these patterns. My higher self and my ancestors revealed that my weakened body exists so my mind can expand — so I can heal the beliefs that women in my lineage were taught about what they could or could not be. I was shown that the feminine body is sacred, beautiful, and meant to be honored because it houses the soul of a healer — one who brings peace, love, and healing to past, present, and future.

There were three things my higher self and ancestors told me that I will not share publicly at this time. But I know this: I am held. I am protected. I will continue to be guided toward the people and paths meant to help me remember my divinity and power.

I am not here for money or validation. I am here to end generational cycles and help guide other women through their own healing journeys. The greatest reward is not financial — it is witnessing others break free from patterns and return to themselves, to their truth, and to Mother Earth.

I know how to live from her land, as I have in other lifetimes and as my ancestors once did. When you learn to live from what she provides, step away from the noise, and truly listen, you begin to hear your ancestors. You begin to understand what needs healing within your lineage. And with that awareness comes clarity — clarity about how to heal your soul and love who you are.

When you truly love who you are, you can love those around you without judgment. And that is a reward no money could ever buy.