Ancestral Heart Ache

What is Ancestral Heart Ache and can you ache for another, even on the other side? To the point where your heart feels like it’s breaking? The answer is yes.

Perhaps you have seen the Grey’s Anatomy episode where a woman goes to the hospital the same day every year, after her love next door had died. And she physically feels heart ache that her body now feels physically from holding that energy.

Maybe this story calls to you, as it has to me as I experience a similar situation. The last 4 days I have been having chest pain, aching in my neck and all on the left side (feminine energy). It accompanies with some restriction with deep inhalation and a high blood pressure. Normally one would think these may be signs of a possible heart attack, or other heart aliment. And in some cases, yes. However, this is why it is imperative to know not only your body but also your family ancestry. No physician, or healer, know your soul better than you know yourself. And who else knows your soul besides you? Your ancestors who have come before you and your DNA is their DNA.

There is a phrase and book, “The Body Keeps the Score.” (book authored by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk) This isn’t just the case with our own physical and emotional wounds, but also those that we carry from our ancestors that were passed down generations through the female reproductive egg. Not only do I carry my own wounds, from my childhood, my first and second marriage, miscarriages, removing myself from a cult, military and the death of loved ones; but also all the other wounds carried before me. Have you ever stopped to think why there is so much depression and anxiety in this century and generation than in past? With all the wars and discoveries without the technology we now possess, we still carry the most stress and mental health ailments.

From a child I was always sick and felt like I was weighed down with others energies and burdens. I didn’t know how to explain it to anyone or what it was. Then 15 years ago I began having high diastolic blood pressure when I got pregnant with my first live birth son, which never went away after pregnancy. No medication was able to successfully lower it without suffering from its adverse effects. Then 6 years ago, 9 months after the birth of my second live birth son, with high risks, it hit me full force. I had a resting pulse of 150 for 10 days. When I would get up and move, or raise my voice while sitting, it increased to over 200 beats per minute. I lost 10 pounds and felt as though I was always running a marathon. I wasn’t in a good place with my partner or parents, being able to trust with feelings without judgments, so I tried to drive myself to the Emergency Room. I only made it about 4 miles down the road and needed to call for an ambulance, which was hard to do. It was the job my partner and I met, before working as a registered nurse, and at the time I felt an embarrassment I couldn’t take care of myself let alone others. (Another wound I later learned would be brought to my attention in my own healing journey). Enroute to the hospital I was given medications, such as nitro, oxygen and a couple others to help reduce my heart rate, the chest pain and blood pressure. None of which made any difference. I stumped the medics, they had told me enroute. In the hospital, where I stayed for 3 days, they ran tests, connected me to telemetry, and cardiologists tried high doses of heart medications. All of which had no affect on my heart rate and blood pressure. During this time, my father had come down to sit with me and talked to the cartologists as he worked in cardiology, but at a different hospital. He came, when I didn’t want him there, however my partner did not come and I wanted him present. I now have learned that the stress of my father and the wounds I carried from my childhood added to this, along with my partner not being present brought back wounds of abandonment. I left the hospital with no answers, but a heart monitor I was to wear for the next week and then return for more tests. In the end they found no reason to why this was occurring and also did not know why medications were not helping.

It wasn’t until a couple years after this first event, I realized that there was one nurse who said to me, “Do you think this could be psychosocial?” This had made me upset, at the time, because I did not have any mental health aliments and I was a strong woman, who had endured so much and could do anything. I was an athlete. I didn't realize that wasn’t what she had meant until I did my own research and began my soul healing journey. Once I started to meditate, practice yoga again, and set boundaries, I started to get better. I got back into my music that I grew up losing myself in, (my roots of finding my peace) and changed my career path to one of healing and not adding to the stress and wounds.

Does the heart ache still happen for me today? Yes of course. Will they be cured 100%? That I do not know. But my intuition and guides tell me, “no.” That isn’t because I haven’t traveled the road of the healing to try and heal myself and my ancestors; it’s because we are always evolving and therefore, healing. I have found some of my ancestors back to the year 990, however there are always branches of the tree to uncover, and there are still days that are hard as a mortal on Mother Earth that need healing. But the point of this long blog, is to become aware. Aware of your soul, and body response. Learn who you are. Strip away the titles. Titles such as woman, mother, male, father, medical professional, healer, son, daughter, etc. Who is your soul? How does it respond to the energies of others both currently on the Earth and those that have come before you? How does your body keep the score? And then you will know more than any doctor or therapist as it is your body, and your soul that is to heal through you and your guides and ancestors. They are guides, just as any healer is a guide for you on your healing journey. You are the creator of your healing journey. You write your story.

Today I took a step back and realized it is that time of the year again, where we are coming up upon the holidays, where my ancestors were suppressed. Ether the Native Americans, or the Pagans. And then the wounds of my childhood into adulthood over the holidays. My heart feels physically what the energies of grief give. I now know how my body responds, and I have learned how to react and take the time to pause and reflect, allowing the healing to continue. I went into my apothecary and opened my heart and mind to communication of my guides and ancestors to help guide me in which herbs to use for my healing and self care. Then got to work creating an herbal tea to help calm and soothe what my body was trying to release. For me, this works. I have to sit in the uncomfortable energies, but then also communicate with them for guidance of how to heal not only my mind, body and soul, but also the wounds of past ancestors and to learn not to pass my energies of wounds to future generations. This is a path that chose me in this life, I did not choose this path. However I am honored to be able to help mend the past and have a hope for future generations to come. This I hope to be able to continue in guiding others in their ancestral journey. Love & Magic to y’all.

(There will be an ancestral healing workshop series beginning soon, look on events page for registration to open November 30th. Spaces are limited to 7)

*this is a personal blog, and not to be used as medical advice. Always consult with your health care provider with your health.